Mother's Day

This Mother's Day holds very mixed emotions for me.  I am so happy and thankful to now be the mother to nine of God's precious children.  But Anna is still not with us and that makes it hard. 

We were told that she would be discharged on Wednesday if she were stable enough.  Scott and I took Owen, our 22 month old, with us and joyfully went to finally bring Anna home.  We quickly realized that that wasn't going to happen.  She was still desatting and spiking fevers.  The doctors ordered a CT scan of her lungs.

What we were told basically was that 1/3 of her left lung and 2/3 of her right weren't working.  They were blocked.  Without putting a camera in, they couldn't tell us why.  Most likely it was from chronic aspiration.  The children in Anna's orphanage were fed lying down for years.  Many died from this treatment.  They also told us that they might have to remove part of her lung if it was damaged enough.

I just didn't have peace about this.  I prayed that God would give her the best possible outcome and that no surgery would be needed.  My heart was just broken for all she had suffered.

At this time, I admit, I was hit with a feeling of dread as well.  I don't believe that that ever comes from God unless it is a warning.  This was just general yuckiness and fear, wondering if I could truly handle all of the challenges that Anna brings with her.  I also admit that it was my selfishness rising to the top again, feeling sorry for myself and missing how comfortable life had become before Anna came home.

And this is what God shared with me.  He is so faithful and patient!  He clearly told me how arrogant I was.  How completely and totally arrogant.  I was assuming that if he had not brought Anna into our lives, that our lives would have gone along all hunky dorey and roses.  No one else in the family would ever get sick, I wouldn't lose my job, no moronic terrorist would ever set a bomb down by my feet.  Oh, my goodness, how ridiculous I was being!  Of course bad things would happen.  And the safest place to be is in the middle of his will, even when it's hard.  After that revelation, my whole outlook changed.  Jesus said that we have to give up EVERYTHING to follow him.  And yes it hurts, but he gave up EVERYTHING to rescue us. 

On Friday, they performed a procedure where they looked at her lungs and cleaned out as much of the gunk as possible.  We received a really good report.  The pus was clear and they didn't see any need to operate at this time.  They have put her on a more stringent respiratory therapy and new stronger antibiotics.  The doctor also said that she was going "downhill fast" when we brought her in.  She didn't believe that Anna could have survived much longer without medical care.  Glory be to God whose timing is always perfect!  He brought her to us at just the right time.  I am knocked to my knees in humility at his perfect knowledge and my extreme ignorance.

I have stopped worrying about when she is coming home.  God has made it clear that only he knows and that that is good enough.  I admit, though, that today I miss her so much it hurts.

I know you all have been praying faithfully for Anna and for us.  Thank you from the bottom of this mother's heart. 

Anna Update 5/1

I hope you all will forgive me for my lack of posts lately.  Anna is still in the hospital, almost two hours away from our home.  In the meantime, I have to work and Scott and I still have to take care of our other 8 children, so time has been scarce! 

Anna is doing great.  I am overwhelmed with the changes God has brought to her life over the past month.  I cannot say enough good things about Childrens Healthcare of Atlanta.  God has used these doctors, nurses and therapists in mighty ways!  She is already sitting up so much better and is beginning to tolerate her wheelchair.  She has put on a little weight.  Her seizures seem to be under control.  Her lungs are finally looking clearer, so it appears that the pneumonia is abating.  She lights up around both Scott and me, so despite the craziness and having never been to our home, she seems to understand that we are "special" and is bonding.  She is still choosing not to eat by mouth and will be getting a g-tube within the next couple of days.  Once she has recovered from that surgery, we should be able to bring her home!

 Here are some pictures and video that show how well she is doing.  The first picture was the day we picked her up in Bulgaria.  The second is from Saturday and shows how well she is sitting up in her wheelchair:

The first video was taken in Bulgaria, when she astonished us with her high-fives!  The second was a week or so ago.  She is so happy!

God's grace has been truly sufficient.  I am amazed when I look back over the past month at how he has orchestrated everything.  He is teaching Scott and me so much through this experience. 

I admit that I still get fearful sometimes.  For the most part, having a child with severe special needs has become the new normal.  I don't worry about our future with Anna.  She is a delight and we are blessed to have her.  I can't wait for her brothers and sisters to meet her.  I especially can't wait to see the reaction of my 22-month-old who calls her "baby" (even though she is three years older than he is, he dwarfs her).  Now that I have accepted that God will give us the strength and means to care for this child, I think what he is working on now is my issues with money.

Anyone else out there have that issue?  I know in my mind that all I have is God's.  I know that he has never once let me down when it comes to my finances.  In fact, he has done miracle after miracle.  There is no way that we could have afforded to complete eight international adoptions in the past twelve years and afforded to raise nine kids on my salary.  It just doesn't add up!  And still I find myself dwelling on how we will pay for Anna's medical care (a month in the hospital, including two surgeries, and another major surgery coming up in about a month).  My insurance will pick up the majority, but copays and deductibles will still have to be paid.  I know God is able and I can't wait to share on here how he comes through!  Just pray for me to have a stronger faith in this area.  I am WAY out of my comfort zone here. 

I also know that that is where God wants me to be.  It is so refreshing to my spirit to read about other families in that same place.  I read about the Ayer family this morning.  What an inspiration!  Families like this that have given everything to God amaze me!

Lastly, my sweet Giselle waiting in an Eastern European orphanage now has a grant of over $5,000!  Could you be her mama or daddy?

Surgery is Done

Anna had a endoscopic third ventriulostomy yesterday.  This should allow her cerebrospinal fluid to flow more normally through her skull and ease the hydrocephalus.  The surgeon was very pleased with the results!  In about a month, she will be able to have a cranial reconstruction.  They will remove a large portion of her skull.  In a little less than two years, she should have a completely reshaped head, hopefully one that is not as heavy.  Maybe in time she will be able to sit up on her own.  Who knows the plans God has for her!

She is understandably a little irritable today.  They have given her something for the pain and she is resting comfortably.

I don't know yet when we might be able to get her home.  We still need to deal with her eating issues and get her some adaptive equipment.

Thank you for all the prayers!

Anna Update

Anna has now been in the U.S. for almost a week and has spent all of that time in the hospital.  Part of me hates that, as I cannot wait for her to meet her brothers and sisters and see her new home.  But in reality it has been such a blessing!  She is scheduled for her first surgery tomorrow.  It was originally scheduled for last Tuesday but they found some fluid in her lung and wanted to wait.

This surgery is a good thing!  It should eliminate the cause of the hydrocephalus and get the fluid in her head flowing as it should again.  The surgeons also told us that in about a month, they should be able to perform surgery to correct the shape of her head!  We didn't know if this would be possible.  She has a large bump on the back of her head that makes lying on it uncomfortable and it is so heavy that she has never been able to sit up on her own.  I can't wait to see what God is going to do in her life!  I feel like there is no limit. 

She has an NG tube now for her feedings, which is also a blessing.  It takes all the pressure off her and us to get her to eat and drink.  Once the surgery is complete, they will begin to assess her swallowing.

Thank you again for all of the prayers!  God is answering them!

I have two prayer requests today. 

First, remember sweet Henry who I posted about a few months back?  He was adopted and passed away after complications from surgery.  Well, his family has just announced that they are returning to Eastern Europe for a sibling group of three!  I am so excited.  You can read more on their blog here.  To donate to help them bring this group home, go here.

Our agency just posted this morning that on April 18, there will be a new hearing in Bulgaria for the old director of the Pleven orphanage who wishes to be reinstated.  It is because of the conditions that she allowed that Anna went so long with untreated hydrocephalus and weighs just 24 pounds at 4 and 1/2 years old.  Please pray that the courts will deny any petition she has!  For Nora and all the children we left behind there, she must never be allowed to step foot in Pleven again.  Please also pray for the new director, as she faces much opposition in all the good reforms she is trying to implement.

I will update after surgery tomorrow!

Anna is Home!

I am typing by Anna's bedside at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.  So much has happened since my last post that we were going to pick her up last week.  I am sorry about the lack of posts during our trip, but it was an incredibly busy week, and about all I had time to do was take care of Anna and sleep a bit.  I know many of you kept up with us either on Facebook or through Susanna's blog.  I can never thank all of you enough for the thousands of prayers that went up for us and are still being lifted.  I will try to express through this post what they have meant to us.

My son Damir (he's 15) and I picked up Anna from Pleven on Friday, March 29.  Honestly, it was about what I had expected.  We waited in the lobby and Anna was brought down to us.  We received her and some papers and raced out the door back to Sofia.  The staff did give me some food for the trip so I fed her on the way back.  She proved a good eater, but took quite a while to down her jar of baby food. 

I'm not sure I even remember my initial thoughts about Anna.  Remember my husband came on the first trip so I had never met her when they put her in my arms and she was mine forever.  I'm sure there was some shock as nothing can prepare you for what has been done or allowed to happen to these children.  Now I know that she looked very bad (compared to how she looks now.)  I had been told she was on a seizure medication, but when I picked her up, I found out that she had been taken off the medicine.  I was not told why. 

We went straight to the police station to apply for her passport.  The lights were very bright and it was noisy, two things I am sure she was not used to.  While we were there she appeared to have a seizure, so I emailed my adoption doctor back home.  She contacted the head of pediatrics at Tokuda Hospital in Sofia and they both agreed she should be admitted.  So our first night with Anna was spent in the hospital.  On Saturday morning, an EEG showed that she was having constant seizures.   She was also severely dehydrated.  She stayed in the hospital for several days. 

It was during this time that I had what I would call some crises of faith.  God was with us.  I never doubted that.  But he allowed Satan to sift me.  I know this because of the fear I felt.  Fear is never of God.  Satan was showing me some pretty horrible visions - things like I would spend all my time in hospitals from now on.  As a mom of eight prior to Anna, I have been blessed with disgustingly healthy kids.  We have had two minor surgeries over eleven years and only two broken bones.  I just haven't ever had to deal with real sickness.  And Anna has a lot of needs!  But I prayed and I know that so many of you were praying and the fears subsided and in their place came a new resolve and strength.  God is so faithful!

One of the things that helped me pull myself back together was Monday afternoon.  God gave us such a time of joy with her!  I was feeding her and she was doing well so I gave her a high five.  Well she loved it and started trying to high five me back!  I was stunned!  She kept up this constant interaction for an hour.  Here is a taste:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152689984580524


This gave me so much hope for what God will do in her life.

Damir and I were overjoyed on Tuesday when we finally got to take her back to the hotel.  The rest of trip passed quickly.  The trip home was not good.  She would not eat or drink much at all.  We made the decision to bring her straight to the hospital from the airport.  It was disappointing because we wanted her to meet the rest of her brothers and sisters and see her new home.  But she is getting such awesome care here at CHOA.  She has been seen by a neurosurgeon who wants to operate as soon as Tuesday.  Today she received an NG tube so we can get some nourishment in her.  I hate it because she really eats well, but I am also relieved because the constant struggle to get her to take any liquids was wearing me down. 

It is amazing how fast this little girl has wrapped us all around her finger.  How spoiled she will be once we can get her home! 

Please keep praying for her health.  Also, please pray for our bonding.  I hate that pretty much all she can associate us with is hospitals.  We don't have any choice; her health must come first, but I want her to trust us and not just think we bring needle sticks and little sleep.  Would you also pray for my employer LaGrange College?  Without my insurance, we could never have brought this little girl home.  I am so thankful for my job.  Please pray that God will bless the College with more than enough students to make up for the extra costs we have placed on it with Anna's care.  God is able to provide.

I will try to be a better blogger and keep everyone up to date on Anna's progress.  I can't wait to see what plans God has for her. 

Travel Dates!

We have travel dates!  My oldest son and I will be traveling to Bulgaria on March 27.  We will meet our Anna on the 29th and return home on April 5th.  I will post as much as possible while there.  I can't wait to share updated pics on our sweet girl!

There is still another sweet girl in Anna's orphanage who needs a family.  She is not listed on Reeces Rainbow anymore, but a family could request her file.  Meet Brandi.




Isn't she beautiful?  If God is tugging at your heart, contact Shelley Bedford at shele337@gmail.com.

Please keep us in your prayers next week!

Please Help Giselle!

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know I have a special place in my heart for Giselle, a little girl who needs her family to find her. I am her guardian angel.  This means that I advocate for her and fundraise for her.



This Tuesday, March 12, will be a huge day of fundraising for Giselle!  She is part of Forty to Forever.

Forty to Forever is fundraising for 40 orphans, growing adoption grants and advocating for waiting children to find families and help the families in process to bring home a special needs child. Giselle is one of those orphans!  I am hoping to raise $400 for her on Tuesday.  This will put her Reece's Rainbow grant at just over $2,500 and she will move to the Moving Mountains page!  This will make her much more visible to families looking for their special child and give her family $2,500 to help them pay fees to bring her home (her adoption will likely be around $25,000.)

This fundraising effort is centered around the period of Lent. During this 40 days of Lent, a different child is featured with a fundraising goal, a daily Lent devotion and discussion. 

If you donate to Giselle on March 12, you can enter the giveaway of your choice.  There are some awesome prizes!

Shares:

Share on Facebook……………………..    1 entry
Share on Twitter…………………………. 1 entry
Share on your Blog……………………… 3 entries

Donations:

Give $2………………………………………… 1 entry
Give $3………………………………………… 2 entries
Give $4………………………………………… 3 entries
Give $5………………………………………… 5 entries
Give $10………………………………………. 12 entries
Give $25………………………………………. 40 entries
Give $50………………………………………. 100 entries

Please, please, give what you can to Giselle today.  She desperately needs a family.  I can't bear the thought of her locked away in a crib, receiving little if any love or stimulation.  Those that know where she is, say that it is not a good orphanage.  It is only through God's grace that she is still alive.

And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD, who call you by your name, am the God of Israel.  Isaiah 45:3

Giselle truly is a treasure hidden away in the darkness.  Please help bring her into the light today!  Click here to give!