He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him. Psalm 126:6

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Hardest Post to Write

Sometimes words fail us.  God is so good to have given us language.  What a blessing to be able to communicate!  But there are times in life when our emotions are so raw (or so uplifted) that we just don't seem to have the words to adequately convey them.  This is one of those times.

We will not be able to bring Nora home.  There.  I have said it.  And once again I feel like my heart has spilled out of my chest and dropped on the floor. 

I will not be able to fully explain the reasons here out of respect for her privacy.  Her health issues should not be on public display.  So I will say what I feel comfortable with and pray for understanding for what cannot be said.  When we first agreed to adopt Nora, we had a picture of her face and a half-page of medical information.  That was it.  We stepped out in faith, fearing that once her file was returned, this precious child would never have another chance at a family.  We know now that that is not true; several children have been chosen after their files have been returned.  But at the time, there was genuine fear. 

As you've read on past posts, while Scott was visiting Nora in October, we were blindsided with the information from her doctors that her heart condition was so serious that she would not survive the trip to the US.  We chose not to believe that and began to seek out doctors here to find a way to get her safely home.  We were given much more medical information from her country.  And then news was devastating.

Again, I will not go in to detail, but based on everything we have learned, it is highly likely that the stress of the trip could kill her.  It is also unlikely that being adopted would bring any significant gains to Nora and could entail many losses.

So we have made the most difficult decision of our lives - to leave her there.  A piece of me will reside in an orphanage on the other side of the world now and I will not be whole again until heaven.  What comfort it brings to know that one day Nora will be whole and healthy there too and maybe God will allow me to love on her and hold her there as long as we both want!

We continue to work towards bringing Anna home.  Her health concerns are also significant, but we believe that adoption will be a blessing to her.  I have reports from others who have met her that she is just precious and so full of life.  I can hardly wait to meet her.

Thank you to all who have supported us prayerfully and financially through this journey.  We don't understand God's will in this, but we embrace it and move forward.  Thank you for continuing to walk with us.  We ask that you keep our precious Nora in your prayers.

5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. My heart is with you.

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  2. I'm so so so sorry. :( Our prayers and thoughts are with you.

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  3. My heart is breaking for you. :(

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  4. You already know you have my love and support, and I'll never stop praying for your whole family, Nora included - but I wanted to say it again. You have a good heart, Lydia. I'm so sorry it is broken right now.

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  5. I have so much admiration for you and your capacity for empathy and love. You and your family are truly an inspiration.

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